I knew that. I knew that it was a pipe dream thinking he would be able to tell me the answers to all of the questions swarming in my head... or realistically even just one of them. The last couple of months I've been flooded with emails, Facebook messages, calls, and text from concerned students and adults. I stay in very close contact with his teachers so while I felt like I had a handle on it, today's texts tipped me right off of that tightrope I was walking.
"Is someone being mean to you, buddy?" I asked. An incredibly quick and defensive "no" was shouted back at me as his body went completely rigid. The simple translation of that one. Yes. Figuring out the rest will take a lot of detective work. Not new to me, just disappointing.
I changed the subject and had him laughing before turning off his light and saying "Goodnight". As I walked out of his room, I looked at the pictures framed by his door of he and his friends in their "Senior" shirts. What's left of my heart these days shattered.
While Parker walked with his class last year and had a graduation party, he didn't technically graduate. He received a certificate allowing him to stay in school through his 21st year. We are working on life and job skills with some academics tossed in. Going back was hard for Parker. The hallways once filled with his friends were now filled with new people. People who are disconnected from him. While there are still friends there and people he knows, it's a very VERY different experience.
The hallways he once longed for filled with childhood friends who included him are now empty.
Those friends have moved on to college, the military or work. Many still keep in touch and see him, which we both appreciate more than they will likely ever know. But... they aren't there. They aren't in his hallways.
While I've noticed the change, it hasn't been until the past month or so that I've realized just how much it's impacted me. Especially on nights like tonight. There was, at any given time, throughout Parker's entire school career at least 5 kids looking out for him at a time. Kids... young adults... who would be willing to throat punch anyone who looked at Parker sideways, let alone give him a hard time (ok, throat punch is an exaggeration but... barely). If something wasn't right, I knew... immediately. I always knew. These kids kept me so in the loop I never, ever worried about Parker. They were more than his friends, more than his protector... they were my eyes and ears, my sanity.
And now, our hallways are empty.
While no part of me would ever want to go back and relive my high school years (even though they were good) I'd give anything to turn back the hands of time and pause them with the class of 2017 altogether... indefinitely.
While I don't know what's going on with Parker yet, I know that not only will we figure it out but we will make it through, together.
I will forever be proud of the kids of Parker's class of 2017 and I love watching them grow as they find their place in the world. I know they will do amazing things. And I hope that as they find their paths, their hallways are never empty but someone is always there with that "I believe in you" smile that they've always had for Parker.
And in this month where more time is spent being thankful, I hope they know how very thankful we are for their friendship and the difference they make in Parker's life. I am thankful for those who stay in touch, for those who continue to spend time with him, for those who endure his 5,000 thumbs up/ok messages a day - and toss in the occasional reply, for those who still light up when they see him and patiently wait for him to come out from hiding inside his shirt and for those who will forever be a part of his life. I am... we are thankful.
While Parker's hallways may be empty right now, we are working to fill them and reminded that almost everyone goes through a time when their hallways feel empty, where they are alone. And Parker, like you, will grow from this. We will make it through.
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