Connecting, 30 years later.

 Last week I started my day with a message from one of my sisters linking me to my friend, Tom’s Facebook post where he had shared the news that a classmate of ours from Olympia had passed away. In complete shock, I scrolled through the pictures Tom had shared of Bob, just shaking my head in complete disbelief.

I only attended Olympia High School for a short time yet the majority of my high school years, my freshman year through the middle of my junior year. We moved to Hopedale after I finished 8^th grade and then moved again during my junior year. I always wonder if anyone remembers me from my time there or if I was just a quick flash in and out of their lives that was forgotten.

I have so many memories, though, so, so many of them. I had a lot of great times while I was at Oly.

And some of those memories include Bob.

Bob was someone I saw every day as he sat by me in homeroom. We didn’t talk to me my freshman year, I was – without a doubt – extremely overwhelmed by Olympia which is like 8 times larger than where I grew up (and went back to for my senior year) in Cambridge. My sophomore year, I came back confident and ready to find my place at Oly – and totally out of my awkward stage. From that point on, Bob and I chatted briefly almost daily in homeroom. Bob was a flirt, our humor was pretty similar, and his smile added to his charm.

Bob Walt, Olympia class of '92

To hear he was gone, though, caught me off guard. I had not seen or thought about him in 30 years – and I’m sure he had not thought of me, either, but his death shook me and I’ve thought of it every day since.

Shortly after sharing about Bob’s passing, Tom shared that he was going to be back in the area and was hoping to see some friends. Everyone who knows me knows that last week was a huge one for me at work and I was working non-stop to ensure it went off as smoothly and as awesomely as possible. (And it was so, so, so extremely awesome!) on top of that, I had an order for 15 dozen cupcakes for a wedding. So, I had a lot going on.

I was exhausted. My house had not been cleaned in 2 weeks, and my yard is sadly neglected. And, I had the kids. I simply do not let people into Parker’s world – and trust me everyone wants to be in Parker’s world.  It is stressful for us both as expectations are always high and life with Parker is unpredictable. As well-intended as people are, even people in the Fragile X world, you simply cannot understand our day-to-day life – I know I share a lot and people feel like they do but, trust me, you and the last thing either of us needs is to be judged – or more anxiety.

But, Bob’s death just kept lingering over me. Life is so short and so unpredictable. Life is too short for me to worry about if my house is clean enough for anyone’s standards, if my yard isn’t as manicured as I’d like for it to be, or if my little family isn’t enough for anyone.

So, we invited Tom to stop by on his way back to Wisconsin. I had big plans for cleaning this morning and getting things pulled together but… Fragile X happens and our morning was it’s own special little shitshow. I was lucky to get a shower in before Tom arrived.

It was around the time that Tom arrived that Parker was losing his mind over wanting an inflatable in the living room (hello Halloween), my hair was still wet, the floors were not mopped, and I could write my name in the dust on the ledge in the entryway that is lined with my Isabel Bloom eggs that it hit me… *this* is our life.

Our lives are not picture perfect or always easy. We live each day in the moment, some of those moments are spectacular and others are soul-crushingly horrible but each of those moments makes us who we are. And, you can take that or leave it but you don’t get to judge it – and *that* frame of mind is something that I’ve always resisted until now.

I had given Tom a head’s up that flexibility is the key to survival in our house and he was go with the flow from hello. Parker insisted we take Tom to meet Scott, Jen, and Baylee – and they graciously let us stop by and we had a great time catching up while Willow and Baylee played. (Until Willow got hot and went back to the car to lay in front of the air vents - she is totally my baby!)

We showed Tom around the house, discussed the renovations we’ve made, and my disappointment in the state of my backyard as I’ve completely neglected it and it’s an overgrown mess. I’ve had so much going on this year, the yard has taken a complete back seat.

As we went to pick up pizza, Tom mentioned that he had worked in landscaping and had some of his stuff with him as he had done some work on his mom’s yard while he was down visiting and that he would be happy to help me by tackling the backyard for me.

And *this* is where you know just how exhausted I am – I said ok. Me, who has been doing everything on my own for 10 years, who never accepts help, said, “Ok”. Not only did I say “ok” but Parker and I took a short nap while he was working in the yard.

Not only did a lot get accomplished today (thanks, Tom!) but I got some rest and most importantly, I got to spend time catching up with a friend I haven’t seen in 30 years (and we got to be there when Tom got the news from his wife that his son had 2 awesome basketball games at the tournament he is playing in - in Las Vegas!) and, Parker was a rock star.

It was a good day.

Me and Tom, catching up after 30 years

It was a good day to remind me that most people do not expect perfection, that catching up is important, and that it’s ok to let people in our bubble sometimes. We talked about Bob, shared memories of high school, and caught up on everything in between before it was time for him to make the drive home.

It also reminded me to slow down and to take chances. Maybe it is time to let go of my fears and write that last part of the book I’ve been holding close to me and not sharing. Because life is short and unpredictable.

And most importantly – take the time to connect, whether it’s been 30 days or 30 years since you’ve seen someone, make time to connect because you never know what tomorrow may bring.