It Won't Make You Cry. That's the best title I can come up with other than #TentacleHand

I have crazy dreams and nightmares on a pretty regular basis, it’s possible a slight factor into why I sleep so little. Typically my nightmares involves… you know what, not sharing that, I’m going to limit my Holly is here to amuse you material to one story, today!

A little back story because I feel both of these play a factor in last nights sleep disturbance (it wasn’t really a nightmare but it scared me enough to wake me so… not really a dream either, I guess).

About 6 weeks ago, after being punctured by the claw of a cat I was playing with I developed a Pyogenic Granulomas. I had no idea what it was at first other than this funky growth on the palm of my hand that oozed and bled all day. Being me, maybe my backwoods country raising that led to my increased curiosity, one day while sitting at my desk working I took the pocket knife from my desk drawer (Oh come on! I know you have a pocket knife in your desk drawer next to your pens and highlighters, too!) and sliced it off. I mean, really, why not? What was the worst that could happen? (

It bled, a ton, for about 5 minutes. Not enough to stop me from working, lol, I MacGyver’ed a bandage out of Kleenex and scotch tape and kept on working while peeking at it periodically to see if the bleeding had stopped. When it was just barely a slightly bloody ooze, I removed the awesome homemade bandage and took a look at this spot. What happened next shocked me. Right before my eyes, it grew back. I kid you not! I was fascinated and freaked out all at once. But mostly, disappointed that it was still there. A few days later, when it was really annoying me, I took the toenail clippers and clipped it right off again - you know because, why not. This time, holding direct pressure on it to prevent it from returning. Yes, failing completely. After a few minutes, I removed the pressure and watched it again grow back.

A quick trip to convenient care on a Saturday morning after a bee/wasp/spider-something sting/bite took over my arm, I showed the medical person working my hand. She was completely freaked out. You know what always makes you feel awesome? When you freak out medical personnel with an object growing from you hand that they don’t even want to touch and quickly tell you they’ve “never seen anything like it” and have “no idea what it is” before telling you to visit your regular doctor.

That, however, led me to the internet to do some research on this spot that my daughter had now nicknamed “the alien” since it would so quickly grow back, sprouting from my hand like… well, an alien. And that is how I discovered it was a Pyogenic Granulomas, apparently common in pregnant women – something I am not. Pregnant. Still a woman, just not a pregnant one. And a quick call to my Dr. who knew exactly what it was and burned that baby right off! (FYI numbing shots in your hand hurt like a b#tch!)

My hand is still healing.

That’s the first part.

The 2^nd part takes much less background. I looked at the eclipse without protective eyewear disappointing practically everyone who knows me yet not at all surprising those who know me best. I didn’t stare at it, I just glanced a couple times out of disappointment through the great cloud cover that it didn’t get dark out like I thought it would 😊

These two quirks of my life I am sure played a significant role in my sleep disturbance but just for fun and your entertainment because it amused me, I’m going to share the dream with you because I know so many of my friends love to analyze dreams... and it's amusing. 

So, here we go… in my dream I was at a family function on with my mom’s side of the family, I’m not sure where we were but it was familiar, maybe the basement of the Lutheran church back home where we have held gatherings… anyway… my hand was bothering me and the spot where the PG was removed. It looked very swelled up and being me I decided to squeeze it to see what happened. What happened next (this was a dream, mind you for those with short attention spans – this was not real life) was bizarre! 

Out of my hand what looked like the tentacles of an octopus were being squeezed out!! (maybe Squidward’s legs is a better visual, Parker has had me watching a lot of Spongebob lately with him)

Flesh colored tentacles with fleshy/clear-ish suction cup sucker things and red berry looking like things on them. The more I squeezed, the longer they got/more that came out.

Somewhere between a state of embarrassed / mortified / fascinated I grabbed the attention of my cousin, Kelly, and motioned for her to head to the bathroom with me. *this should be a sign that something crazy would happen. Not that *we* would ever do anything crazy together but not that we wouldn’t either. As I ran it under water and tried to shake it off, Kelly grabbed some scissors and cut the tentacle things off my hand which caused it to bleed a ton but we felt like we succeeded. Until… they started to grow back. This time, they fell off when I shook my hand really hard making a mess on the floor which Kelly covered up with a rug. *genius*

We knew we had to tell someone as they just kept growing out of my hand so we went to my mom to ask her what the heck was going on. Because my mom is a nurse and knows EVERYTHING. Really. She does. I envy her medical knowledge sometimes. Amazingly up to this point, Kelly and I were completely calm and, well, incredibly amused.

When I got to my mom, I took the towel off of my hand, dangling these tentacle things in front of her face asking her what the heck was going on with my hand.

Very calmly she said, “It’s nothing, Holly. It’s just a sign that you are going blind.” And then returned to talking to my grandma.

I was like… Whhhhhhaaaaaaaaatttttttttttt?!?!!

Which is when I woke up, slightly panicked but still with vision.

NOW, to add a twist into this… when I work up this morning, an hour or so after this – and this is real life, not the dream – I go into the bathroom and look into the mirror, thinking wow, my right eye is kinda hurting… and notice that my the right half of my right eye is completely bloodshot! Seriously. It’s so hot. *eye roll*

So, there you have it, folks. Real life, dream, real life. Welcome to the world of Holly 😉 At least no one can say this entry made them cry!

If you can't laugh at yourself... you shouldn't be laughing, right?

Our magic number... 25.

Now and then I’m asked that one question that I’m yet to answer without tears welling up in my eyes, often catching whoever curiously asked completely off guard.

“What’s the hardest part about raising Parker?”

I’m sure many would guess my answer would be his aggression, anxiety, maybe the battles with the school over the years, waiting years for him to talk, or maybe even watching his peers move on in life but all of those are wrong. They aren’t easy but certainly not the hardest part.

The hardest part is a simple, two-word answer that I can’t even type without tears. “The future.”

Right now, through the very best of days (which we have a lot of – Momma’s of littles – hang there, way better days are ahead!) and the very I wish we never had moments that are not so good, I have the ability to protect him. We have our very happy, sometimes quirky, routines and life. It works, very well, for us. And, quite honestly, I would be very happy and content doing this forever.

But, I can’t.

Shortly after Parker was diagnosed I read a story. I can’t remember if it was in a local newspaper or through a link online to a magazine like “Woman’s Day” or something. It was a long time ago. While I don’t remember where (although I wish I had saved it) I remember exactly what it was about and it forever changed me.

It was the telling of a family who had 2 sons with intellectual disability. Their entire lives they lived at home with their parents. They had, no doubt, a great life. There was no question to how very much they were loved. This was, however, all they knew. One day one of the parents died, I think the father but it doesn’t matter, and while extended family expressed concern the living parent refused to move the now elderly adult sons into a home.

The men were in their late 60’s. The parents in their late 80’s. A few short months after the first parent died, the only person left in their life - the other parent - died too.

Within 6 months these 2 men with intellectual disabilities who had only known one home and one life under the care of their parents, had lost their entire world. Everything. Both parents were gone.

The men were placed, together, in an assisted living facility. It was an incredibly challenging transition that took its toll on the multiple places who attempted to bring them in and on the men, themselves. They had no idea how to function without their parents. They were thrust into a world they did not know and could not understand.

The story didn’t have a happy ending. No great tale of how the men adapted and thrived. It continued on chronicling their ongoing confusion and struggles. It never ended. They never settled in and found a new routine and life. They simply survived, barely, at best and not for long.

The article took all of the air from my lungs. I could not breathe. I could only cry. I knew what this meant. 

Up until that point, I had said, adamantly, to everyone that Parker would live with me forever. And at that moment, I realized,  he could not. There was no way, no way at all, that I would ever do this to him. No matter how much I want to protect and shelter him, I cannot keep him from the world but, instead must teach him to survive in it and thrive, successfully without my by his side.

It was then - early in his diagnosis that his dad and I came up with the magic number “25”. That by Parker’s 25^th birthday we would be sure he was living as independently as possible outside of our home.

25 felt right. At 25 he would still have us as a safety net. We could make the transition slowly and find the best place for him. It would be like going off to college like his sister will be doing. And most of all, we would be able to see him be successful, on his own (however that would look, likely at a residential facility) and know that when the time came and we were no longer here, he would be ok.

It’s a plan that we’ve been set on for what feels like forever, without any doubts or uncertainties of this plan.

And then… he turned 18. His class graduated high school and I was granted guardianship. Suddenly 25 feels way too soon. Not because he won’t be ready, I will be sure he is but because… I won’t be.

Being Parker’s mom is being his caretaker. It defines me. And I’m good with that. But really, it’s all I know. I don’t know how to function without helping him through each day. I’m lost when he’s with his dad or at camp and I am not tying shoes, tucking him in at the end of the day or reminding him to have patience because I cannot jump at every command… and despite his protest he can do some things himself!

Making that leap at won’t only change Parker’s life, it will change mine. In a major way. And part of me does not want that at all. Not even a little.

The thought of him living away from me with someone else caring for him, tying his shoes, telling him “goodnight” is a bit – ok, a lot – heartbreaking to me.

And I know what some of you are thinking, “Why can’t he just stay with you and then go live with Allison after you are gone or  too old to care for him?” And, in all fairness, Allison will tell you that is her plan. He also is blessed with 2 pretty awesome step-sisters now who may also feel the same way and want him to reside with them. But, the reality is, it’s not fair and it is not an expectation that I (or Scott and Jen) have for them.  Parker is not Allison’s responsibility. She will have her own life too. While I fully expect her to always include her brother in many things, I also expect her to live her life to the fullest. The same for his step-sisters. I’m not completely sure it would be fair to Parker either to have to live with his sisters, even knowing how very much they love him.

If, many years down the road, they decide this is what they want – they will have our support. But, it’s not something we are planning or expecting.

Lately, I’ve been struggling with that magic number we picked (and I have to say it’s “by” 25 – if something perfect comes available before age 25 and he’s ready – in no way would I hold him back. I would cry a lot but I would do what is right for him because that is the most important.) subconsciously talking myself out of it a little more each day.

Then, unexpectedly, I was reminded why it’s so important to me to have a magic number.

The film Mimi and Dona crossed my newsfeed. It’s a documentary you can watch for free until September 19^th through this link – I highly encourage you to watch it, with Kleenex in hand.

Mimi was 92 when she accepted she could no longer care for her daughter, Dona (in her 60’s), and placed her in a residential facility at the urging/demands of her family. It was the hardest thing she ever did. Not only did she say it but you could see it in her face and hear it in her voice. No part of her wanted to do this and she very desperately wanted to bring her home.

“You don’t know what it’s like to say goodbye to someone” she said to her family. And she was right. Those words were so true, so powerful and so very much from the heart. No matter how much you love your sibling or relative with a disability and can see from the outside what appears to be the “right” decision for them, you don’t know and understand the pieces that hold our lives together. It’s always easier from the outside.

What I saw was likely different than what her family who was urging her to leave her daughter at this facility saw and heard. “You don’t know what it’s like to say goodbye to someone.” Was much bigger than saying “goodbye, I will see you soon.” Not only was Mimi having to say “goodbye” to her daughter but to the only life she had known for all of Dona’s life too.

She was leaving a huge piece of her heart behind. The guilt, the worry, the anxiety, the helplessness all stayed with her while her heart and her love slowly faded away in the distance. She also knew that her relationship with Dona would never be the same.

This was more than just saying “goodbye” until next time. It was saying “goodbye” to everything she had fought for and known for over 60 years.

It meant starting over, for both of them, with broken hearts.

While I don’t want to give away the entire movie, I do want to point out that the decision did not end well. And while it was never said, I can tell you as a mom who is also a caretaker, that a part of Mimi – no matter how good of a person she was – never forgave those who forced that decision on her for Dona to move. It didn’t have to be said. It’s simply known. I would never be able to forgive anyone who forced that decision on me that led to that outcome. (Yes, an outcome that may have happened regardless but there is no way to know). Maybe Mimi is significantly better than me, forgiveness isn’t my strong suit. But I know it’s a heart ache and anger I would take to the grave.

*Side note – I saw so much of me in Mimi and so much that I strive to be. She was so filled with love and fought so hard for her child… I have so much admiration for the incredibly woman she clearly was.

The movie, again, like the article I read so many years ago took all of the air from my lungs. It left me gasping, unable to breathe.

It made me realize that I have a magic number for a reason. Because if I don’t 25 will become 35. 35 will become 45. 45 will become 55… and eventually, we will be in the spot Mimi and Dona were in, where the family I mentioned early were in – where Parker and I would live in a bubble unable to survive without the other.

And that is not fair to him. And some would argue to me.

I know that many of my friends just sent their kids off to college or off to the military. And while I cannot imagine how that feels, I know that their children can tell them absolutely everything. Whereas my son, cannot.

While it’s a comparison many like to make, the reality is it’s different. I won’t be sending him off to college and welcoming him back when he’s on break… or can’t find a job and living in my basement until he’s 35….  I’ll be sending him off to find people to try to love and care for him as much as I do. To protect him. To keep him safe. To love him unconditionally. To show him the world and also protect him from it.

I’ll be looking for the impossible but I am determined to find it. Or create it.

I won’t know if he’s had a rough night. I won’t know if he’s scared or had a bad day. I won’t know if someone is abusing him or taking advantage of him. I won’t be there to protect him for the ugly in this world.

I won’t be able to fully explain to him why he can’t live with me forever like he wants to right now.

I’ll have to trust strangers. I’ll have to set up systems to check in. I’ll have to be vigilant and do all I can to help him understand how to protect himself or report others. 

I’ll have to walk away when he’s crying for me to stay. I’ll have to hear his anger when I don’t go pick him up on a whim and bring him home. I’ll have to re-learn how to live without being his caretaker full time.

I’ll have to learn to trust which is, very simply, something I do not do at all. Ever.

This will be the hardest part about raising Parker. Letting him go. Letting him move on with his life without me as his full-time caretaker. And then trying to find out who I am without him always by my side.

While it will be the hardest part, it’s also one of the most important parts. Parker loves being with friends. He loves the independence he is gaining. He will thrive. He will do exactly what I need him to do… he will prove to me that he can live life successfully without me by his side.

He will show me happiness. He will show me pride. He will show me new friends. He will show me new experiences. He will show me that all of the sleepless nights, all of the IEP’s, all of the pushing of boundaries, all of the research I did had a purpose.

And while it will be possibly my most challenging task ever, I will figure out who I am beyond his caretaker as well. Who knows what’s waiting ahead for us both but I know we will find out before I’m ready.

My heart broke for the family I first mentioned and for Mimi. I cannot imagine the pain. Please understand, I do not judge them. I believe they did what was right for them at that time in their lives. I believe the felt this was the very best decision for their child/ren and family. And, maybe it was. I simply respect and love them for being such incredible parents.

I also appreciate their stories being shared, reminding me that this path isn’t the right one for us. I cannot keep him with me until I am no longer able simply because I am not ready to let go. If I was his entire life and suddenly gone, all of the work and progress we’ve made would have been for nothing. It would turn his world upside down in a way no one would be able to fix. I cannot do that to him and I won’t.

So, our plan remains solid. It’s one that will benefit Parker the most. And in a few years when we reach that point, I know he will absolutely shine and build bonds that will carry him through the years that extend beyond me.

I know this is a challenging subject but one I hope you take time to think through. This is just our plan. It what we believe is most appropriate for Parker. It does not mean it is the right plan for everyone (or anyone) else. My request is that you think through the future and what will happen to your adult child if you are suddenly no longer here and if there is a way to prepare them for success while you still are.

This is the hardest part about raising a child with a disability. The future. The decisions are not easy. Learning to live again without caring for someone who carries your heart 24/7 will not be easy either. No one understands how hard it is to say “goodbye” yet at the same time, some of us have a pretty good idea.

Love and hugs my friends. This journey is not always the easiest but it’s also not one we travel alone. 

Because... he remembers everything!

This past summer, on more than one occasion, Parker completely caught me off guard with something he remembered. I've always known and reminded everyone that his receptive language was amazing but because he's lacked the expressive language to be able to say what he knows, it's made for some doubters.

This summer though... even I was amazed.

I had to break the news over the summer to my kids that Aunt Heather had to put their dog, Gus, to sleep. I was a bit more focused on Allison because I truly didn't think Parker would really care - he's not the biggest fan of dogs - but he did. And he had questions.

P: "Bury him?"
Me: "Yes, they will bury him" (they live on 22 acres)
P: "Next to Emmy?" (our dog who died 9 years ago)
Me: "What?"
P: "Next to Emmy. Emmy died. Hit a tree. Bad rabbit."
Me: (with tears) "You remember when Emmy died?" (he was standing next to me when she came running out from behind the shed chasing a rabbit and hit a tree stump head on, instantly killing her.)
P: "Yes"
Me: "What happened?"
P: "Emmy chased the rabbit. Hit the tree. Died. Called Grandpa John. Dad working. Called dad, come home in firetruck. Grandpa took Emmy home. Buried her. Put a rock on top."
Me (seriously choking back tears) "Yes. Exactly. That's exactly what happened."
P: "Mom cried. So sad. Poor Emmy died."
Me: "Yes, mommy was so super sad. We have Daisy now though and I love Daisy. That makes me happy."
P: "Bury Gus? By Daisy? Rock on top?"
Me; "Yes, I am sure they will."
P: "By Jackson too." (Our kitten we lost)
Me: "Yes, by Jackson too."

The conversation left me a bit speechless. It certainly took me by surprise and wasn't one I planned on us having... ever, really. But truly left me in awe and happy to know there are memories in his mind, just like the rest of us.

Later in the summer we were driving in Peoria when he kept saying, "Give me your Money!" in a voice I knew was familiar but couldn't put my finger on. I would repeat it hoping it would come to me where I knew this voice and phrase from but it wasn't. So, finally, I asked...

Me: "Parker, who says that?"
P: "Mr. Krabbs. Give me your money!"
Me: "Yes, true but who else... I know this from somewhere else."
P: Thinking for a minute.... "Give me your money".... (Pause).... "Said the BIG BAD BUNNY!"
Me: "OH MY GOSH - YES!!! It's the Big Bad Bunny Book!"

Parker lit up. I used to read this story to him over and over and over and over...because he loved to hear me say "Give me your money" in my Big Bad Bunny Elvis like voice. (Mom of many talents here). And we talked about the storyline of the book for the next half hour or so.

When we got home, we looked for the book but couldn't find it. We'd still laugh about it and often say "Give me your Money" in our made up big bad bunny voice and laugh. And then, last week I ordered it and today... it arrived.

To say he was excited was an understatement. He was elated to see the book and immediately started flipping through the pages.

We read it twice before bed and he told me we could read it again tomorrow. I forgot how much I enjoy reading to him and how much he loves being read to. I would stop at places and ask him to read the words, it was, good for us both.

Maybe I'm feeling a bit more emotional these days because school is back in session or because tomorrow I go to court for his guardianship but having the book arrive today was good for us both.

And a reminder that, yes.. he IS always listening and more importantly, he - just like his sister - remembers EVERYTHING which makes me so proud!

'Twas the Night before School Started... What's Next for Parker.

I swear summer goes by faster with each passing year. The school year too. I'm sure it's not my age but instead, time actually moving faster than it used to. It's the only logical answer.

We've had a pretty good summer, likely another reason it went so quickly. And now here we are, the night before the first day of school.

Many have asked and many are still wondering what is next for Parker. And while we had a plan, I also knew and was open that Parker would ultimately be the decision maker when it came down to it. Thankfully, he's good - at least now - with our plan.

Parker will be returning to CHS tomorrow as a Super Senior! He's able to stay in school up to his 22nd birthday - and our hope is that he will. While he will still have some basic academic classes (and of course, PE!), he will also have a lot of focus on life and job skills. Soon, he will be leaving during the school day with a job coach to work in the community. We will build on the number of days he's out working and the length of time over the next couple of years. Our goal is, as always, as much responsibility and community involvement as works for Parker.

So, tomorrow - with his sister, now a 😲freshman! , he will return to CHS. And, he's ready. 

He needs to go back. The last month he has obsessively asked every single day who will be at school and who will not. Who will be in Club Unify (Best Buddies) and who will not. Who is going to Homecoming with him? He's gone through the list of his sister's friends to be sure each of them has someone to "look after them" at the high school - because he can only look after one and that's his sister! He's obsessing thanks to his anxiety and it's time to put that all at ease, providing him with answers and letting him see he still has friends at school and will even make new ones.

We've talked a lot about who is going away to college, where they are going and who is staying locally while working or going to college. It's important to him to know where his friends will be. And, like his sweet Momma (I'm writing this, I get to decide if I'm sweet or not!), he worries about them leaving and not seeing them again.

The past couple of days he's been obsessively messaging them on Facebook, wanting to see them. It's hard. Not only are the preparing for college but they are working too. It's safe to say panic has been settling in not just with Parker but with me too about what will happen next for this group of friends.

Last week there was a bright spot of comfort when Jessie text me asking if she could take Parker out to lunch once a month or so during the school year as she does not have classes on Fridays. Of course, that was a yes!

Today, Kylee and Allyx offered to take him out for dinner. They leave for college this weekend and while they (thankfully!) won't be far away, they won't be here in town either - or driving him to school - so, to Parker it feels as though they are going to be in another world. Thankfully, they are going to Bradley University which is in Peoria, super close to the Jukebox Comedy Club where Parker can often be found hanging out with Dan. So he's seen where Kylee, Allyx and Remi will be but he's still trying to grasp why they are going there. Drew is going much further away to college, I can't easily drive him by and say "he'll be ok, he will be here" but I think this helped relieve some of that anxiety over his leaving.

Parker was super excited that the girls were picking him up and taking him out to his favorite place - DQ - for chicken strips. He wanted me to wait outside with him until they pulled in. Then he wanted me to leave (and take Allison) so they could have the driveway. So, Allison and I left as Parker went back inside and with time, the girls got him out of the house and were off to dinner.

Because he wouldn't let me hang around when they picked him up, I asked Kylee to send me some pictures - which she did :-)

Allyx, Kylee and Parker

It's hard to smile and open your eyes ;-) 

Allison and I ran some errands and about an hour and a half later I watched as they pulled back into the driveway. I went to the door to greet them but no one got out of the car. I could see Parker was showing the girls something on his phone and I could hear all of them talking and laughing, even though I couldn't make out anything that was being said.

I, of course, went back in for my camera to snap a few shots ;-)

I know... it's hard to see but he is smiling ear to ear!

Eventually, I walked over, Kylee opened her door and in the passenger seat was the happiest young man with the biggest smile I've seen on him in awhile. (Probably since Rylee and Tanner took him swimming at Rylee's house!). He had the ESPN app up and was doing a play by play of the Cub's game! He would flash back to the score of the Cardinals game and laugh while saying "Boo Hoo, Jen, (his step-mom), is going to cry. Her Cardinals are losing! They stink!"

The girls filled me in on all of the fun things he shared with them, like showing them Aunt Heather's picture and her horse and talking telling them Jeff Bailey is ugly (he left out because he has a crush on Jeff's girlfriend Morgan!) - thankfully Jeff is a great sport about it all! He talked about getting to see the Peoria County Sherriff's officers yesterday when they stopped by the Comedy Club and about how Dan was golfing.

He tried to call Dan... and Grandpa John... and Aunt Betty Gail which are his favorite people to call when he's super happy. Ok, and to rub into Grandpa John that he is surrounded by pretty girls and he's not.

Parker finally got out of the car and bolted inside, without giving the girls hugs, looking for his cat, Sweetie. And, he totally knew the girls would follow him in.

They came in for hugs, we talked a little and I thanked them for spending the evening with him. It truly made his night and mine while we talked about getting together either while we are in Peoria or when they are in town.

Shortly after they left, Parker was ready for bed, reminding me "School tomorrow. Get up early." for the first time without asking about where everyone will be and reminding us both that his life, after graduation, will go on.

While tonight meant the world to Parker, it truly was something I needed to. I needed to see that he won't be forgotten. While it will feel at times that this group of friends are in another world, tonight was a reminder that they will always come back to Parker's world. They aren't leaving him forever.

These are friends, I truly believe, will be life long friends of his. I believe they will always make time for him, always be there to take him out for chicken strips or a movie or to swim. I believe that he will be there for their weddings and to watch their children grow. I can see him at sporting events cheering them on, next to his high school friends.

This is what I worked so hard for over the span of many years. This is why I insisted on talking to the students in his classroom about who he is, how his disability impacts him and how they could be his friend. This is why I opened that door and handed them the key to being Parker's friend. And tonight, I realized that door will never close - and if for any reason it begins to, this amazing group of people all have the key to get back in.

For the first time since graduation, I felt confident that they will always be there for him. All of them. And for the first time in many weeks, Parker had his calm back. The dinner, the laughter, the friendship wiped away the anxiety and reminded him even when they are away, they will always come back and always be there for him.

Leaving me, once again, so very thankful for this amazing group of friends my son has. Not people who feel sorry for him. Not people who pity him. Not people who have to spend time with him but want to spend time with him. Friends. Friends who care for him. Friends who laugh with him. Friends who get him. Friends who love him. Friends who will always be there for him.

Friends who brough back his calm on this... 'twas the night before school started evening.