The Wedding

 I was tempted to write a much shorter version of this to give to Michale to read at the wedding on behalf of the other best man but there was so much going on already, it seemed best to wait and write out what I was thinking and feeling as this message deserves a much bigger audience. And more detail.

It is hard to remember a time when Lee was not in our lives. The boys have been friends for what feels like forever. From fishing to swimming to basketball to just hanging out and watching TV, these two have so many lasting memories that I am so very thankful for.

When Lee proposed to Taylor, he messaged me and said he wanted Parker to be his best man. I was excited, happy for Lee and Taylor, and skeptical. I didn’t say anything to Parker. It was a long way away and life happens so I didn’t say anything.

Over time, when Lee would see Parker he would say he was going to be his best man – I was fairly certain Parker wasn’t familiar with what a best man was so I didn’t say much. I love Lee’s excitement but I didn’t want to set anyone up for disappointment.

This summer, things started happening quickly. Lee needed to set dates to look at tuxes, order cufflinks, to do all of those wedding things that you need to do. And that is when it sunk in with me, this is real. Lee is really following through with this.

I want to be clear on something, I never doubted Lee or what he wanted. I knew that Lee had the full support of his family in his choice. Lee’s family considers Parker to be part of their family.

It’s just… as Parker gets older, the “promises” and things people have always told Parker like, “I’ll still come to visit” or “I’ll always do things with you” or “I want you to be at my wedding” or “I want you in my wedding”… are promises and statements that are forgotten as their lives move forward. So while I didn’t expect that from Lee, I didn’t want to have Parker’s heart – or mine – hurt if this was something that ended up not happening.

There are so many people in our world who love Parker or who are “in” his life yet either embarrassed by him or do not believe he can do hard things. I’ve learned to manage my expectations and his because I have to. I’m his mom.

But, I didn’t need to do that with Lee. Lee, along with his brother Michale who is our go-to when I need to leave town to hang out with Parker, both reminded me frequently the wedding was approaching. And it was real.

So I did what I do, I prepared Parker. Lee was really doing this and I needed Parker to succeed.

It was already agreed that there would be 2 best men, Parker and Michale. That helped a lot as it gave Parker some wiggle room.

I started by putting the date on the calendar last May. As time grew closer we started to talk more about it. We talked about dad and Jen’s wedding and how A, Abby, and Grace stood up by Jen and Uncle Joe stood up by dad. We talked about how important it is for everyone to stand still and how no one is looking at you because everyone is looking at the bride and groom.

We talked about how important all of this was to Lee. How this is something that best friends do for each other and how special it is to be picked.

Then it came time to get fitted for the tuxes. And, it was a complete fail. Parker refused to go. In all fairness, it was just a couple of days after I returned from Europe. We should have planned that better and I knew it. I initially planned to just get him fitted locally and then send that information to Peoria but Michale was returning while A and I went to Mayo the next week – so I suggested that they try again. And sure enough, Parker went without any problems. We were back on track. The hiccup was simply the timing.

We went back to talking about the wedding. There would be a pretty girl and he would need to help her walk to her place just like he walked with Rylee at prom. That would be his job. He needed to take care of her.

We talked about how he needed to stand still and quietly until Michale told him it was ok to leave and then he needed to follow or go with Michale.

We talked about the reception… the party … and that it was ok if he didn’t stay the whole time but he needed to stay as long as he could.

We added dates to the calendar. Picking up the tuxes. The rehearsal. The reception. We started to count down the days.

He was so excited. He was also super anxious. The week of, we kept Willow home from doggy daycare, on Thursday because he was so overwhelmed he just couldn’t function without her by his side. It was the first time I felt a tinge of panic.

I asked my friends for positive thoughts, prayers, whatever they had. This was a huge event for Parker and more so for Lee and Taylor and I just wanted it to go beautifully for everyone. My good friend, Amy, text me a message for Parker sharing her experience as a member of the bridal party and what her “job” was being sure he knew it was Parker’s job to keep Lee smiling and laughing because he will be nervous. Parker liked that. That afternoon, Parker happily left with Lee and Michale for the final tux fittings and to bring them home. After, they went to iHop for supper. They called on the way home laughing, teasing each other, and having the best time ever. He was on cloud 9 until he fell asleep, just so happy from his time with the guys.

Friday, he went to the rehearsal and did great. He came home to his dad’s house supper happy, again, and ready for the wedding.

It was his dad’s weekend so his dad and Jen helped him get ready for the wedding. My first peak at him was when I arrived for the wedding. In all honesty, it was probably best that he got ready there even though I would have enjoyed helping him get ready, it was good for him to have his dad and Jen for this.

At the wedding, Michale let me know there was a seat up front for Momma Holly. It put me close to Parker if I was needed and Michele has always let me claim her sons as mine, just as she claims Parker as hers. Sometimes people that your children bring into your life come with amazing families who become part of yours. We are so fortunate that this is exactly the case with our families. Michale also told me that during practice Parker wandered a lot and that “it is FINE.” I need to let him do it and know that everyone is ok with it.

They made their way down the aisle, Parker with his face covered, he changed places several times during the ceremony on where he stood, he covered his mouth when he wanted to talk – or did talk and was quietly reminded to shhh by the groomsmen – and covered his eyes when they told Lee and Taylor they could kiss.

It was amazing. I was so proud of him. And proud that because he did so well, I got to really focus on Lee and Taylor for their special day. I am so incredibly proud of the young man Lee has become. It was nice to just soak it all in.

The reception went well, overall. When Parker was announced to walk in – he quickly dropped to the ground inside the door. This is pretty common and no one who knew him thought twice about it. His dad went over to talk with him while I got him a lemonade. It worked well and soon he joined the wedding party at their table.

He joined the wedding party on the dance floor and smiled throughout the evening. It’s safe to say that the day exceeded all of my expectations. I appreciate everyone who was sending us positive thoughts and keeping Parker in their prayers during this timeframe.

When it was time for the dollar dance, I went up to dance with Lee and share with him what I would have said in the speech from Parker. I thanked him for having Parker be a part of his big day. Being Lee, he replied, “I told you this is what I wanted, he’s my best friend and brother.” I said, “I know, Lee, but do you know how many people have told Parker they want him to be a part of something, and then when it came down to it they didn’t? He’s watched friends move on with their lives without him. He’s watched friends get married and not even invited him to the wedding. He sees all of this on social media. He knows everyone’s life is moving forward at a pace he cannot. But you… you have never left his side. You have always been there. You two can tease each other endlessly or just sit quietly and watch tv without saying a word and be happy just to be together. Your actions speak so loudly for the young man you have become. Taylor gained a husband who is true to his word, loyal to his friends and people in his life, a friend who sees someone for who they are inside, not anything that holds them back, you are a friend who understands so much that words aren’t needed. And all of that those are things to be proud of. I am proud of you and Parker is so honored to be here for you today and so happy to stand by your side… or behind the other groomsmen. Thank you for being such a good friend.” As we both fought tears, I ended our dance and congratulated him again. Lee reminded me he wouldn't have had it any other way. All he wanted was Parker up there with him for his big day.

We were getting ready to leave shortly after. We promised Parker that it was ok to not stay for the entire reception, it would go way past how late he liked to stay up. He left with his dad and Jen, A and Grace. I was getting ready to leave shortly after.

I told Michele a little about what I told Lee, she looked at me and said, “We raised them differently than the rest.” And she’s right.. we did. Partially because we had to and partially because we knew they were up to the challenge of standing out for standing up for others.

On Saturday, our “brothers from another mother”, all 3 of them, made us all proud. Lee and Taylor had a gorgeous wedding and an incredibly fun reception. We wish them the very best.

And Lee, if you are reading this… just to remind you… Parker says “You’re a girl” hahaha! (It’s their long-time joke)

Congratulations Lee and Taylor Davis!